The past few weeks have been filled with lots of exciting things – hikes with the puppy, hanging out with friends at the new restaurants opening in our neighborhood, and some web design projects I’ve taken on – a site for my pal Sarah’s freelance editing business and a site for my uncle’s new side business. I’m so rusty that it’s taking me such a long time to get back into the swing of things, but I’m happy with how both projects are progressing.
I’ve been writing, too, though not as much as I’d like to be. Some days – like today- the words come so easily and I can write and write until my fingers want to fall off. Other days I feel like I’m flailing about and I’m stuck in this corner that I don’t know how to get out of. Unfortunately I’ve had more bad days than good days. I took a few days off to do some non-fiction research on 1920s New York and Berlin for inspiration, though, and I think I’m back on track (or, at least, I know where I should be going).
I’m also going back to school – at least, I am for now. I was given provisional student status at the writing program I was applying to. On one hand, I’m thrilled that I get a chance to prove myself in class this fall, but on the other, it’s kind of a bummer that I wasn’t accepted outright. I’ve struggled with it a lot over the past week or so – why wasn’t I accepted outright? Does this mean I suck? What can I do about it? The email the fiction advisor sent me was really kind though, and he wanted me to understand that it doesn’t mean I don’t belong – he just thinks we need to try it out to make sure that we fit together well and I’m at the point in my writing where I need to be, which is understandable. The program is pretty much tailored to students of literary fiction, and I write YA Fantasy. I’ve never taken any sort of creative writing class before, I’ve never workshopped before. I’m thrilled I get a chance to take the class, though, because all I want to do is learn and grow and get better. I want to be a sponge. I don’t think that the fact that I write genre fiction should bar me from learning all I can. I think it’ll challenge me, push me in ways I might be uncomfortable with, and will ultimately make be a better writer. I’m determined to prove to them that I can do this, that I have what it takes, that I’m a writer. So, at the end of the semester, if I have an A in the class and if my teacher feels I’m ready, I can reapply and if I’m granted full student status for the spring, and I’ll be on my way to earning my master’s degree part-time in the evenings.
That’s a lot of ifs, isn’t it?
I wish I could be going back to school full-time, but with the amount of student loan debt Eric and I have between the two of us, that won’t be an option for quite a long time, if ever. This is the best I’m going to get. I’m thankful that I get this chance, though, and I’m even more thankful that because it’s at the university where I work, I’ll be paying almost nothing for it.
If I don’t get in fully, well… I’m not going to lie. It’ll be a major bummer. And probably quite a blow to my self-esteem. But it won’t be the end of the world. It won’t keep me from writing. I have to many stories inside of me to silence myself. I know this is what I’m supposed to do, and I know the only way I can get better is by writing all I can.
So, we’ll see. I should be finishing the re-write of Part I sometime very soon, and I think I might let some people take a peek at it, just so I know I’m on the right track. Part III is pretty much finished, too, which leaves me just the middle to hammer out. And then, from there, who knows? We’ll just have to see.